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Feel free to contact us
with any questions

While we genuinely appreciate your interest in reaching out (mostly because it validates our existence), we must manage expectations with a dash of brutal honesty. Due to the high volume of correspondence regarding the profound meaning of our tests – and, let’s be frank, the sheer amount of time we spend avoiding actual work – it is highly improbable that you will receive a timely, or even relevant, response. Your message will likely enter a digital void, where it will be assigned an arbitrary numeric value and eventually archived next to last year’s holiday planning.
However, if you absolutely must get our attention, please begin your subject line with the word “IMPORTANT” in all caps. While this doesn’t actually guarantee a response, it might trick one of our junior staff members into opening the email out of pure, terrifying curiosity. Good luck.